Sunday, April 1, 2012

The good, bad and BLEGH of upcoming films!

Quick note: as a rule, I avoided any blockbusters already swimming the internet at full force. ("MIB 3," "Avengers", etc.) Except "Twilight," since it doesn't get enough hate from people.

So I climbed out of my hole this morning and I winced at what I saw.

As usual with me, let's start with the bad:


I've seen three of these films, and I'm still not sure how these got made. As we mention on Great Ideas, I can make fun of Stephenie Meyer, but I can't make fun of "Twilight."

But I can try...

Check this out: Bella gets pink eye and has an intense sexual encounter with a deer:

"We're the same temperature??" I thought these kids would be less akward after a quick marriage and bed shattering PG-13 sex scene. But, alas...

Speaking of Stephenie "Kinda Literature" Meyer...


I guess Meyer doesn't have to try anymore, she can jump straight to making flat films. you know what I need? A body snatchers-esque film, but for the easily impressed.

MMMMMM, there it is. You know what I love about it? It tells you just enough for tweens to be excited without showing you enough footage to know it'll suck. Well played.

Let's try some possibly interesting films. See what we're doing? We're getting LESS cynical as we go. It's like Willy Wonka. Happy Saturday, children...


These films hit so hot and cold with me: the indie with a strong but not well known cast that touches on some big movie themes while remaining heartfelt? Oh, boy. Will I leave the theatre saying "Huh! Not bad!" or "SCREW YOU DIABLO CODY!" a la Juno?

Let's see....

I'm going to hope for the former.


(You'll have to click on the title to see this one)

Being the perpetual 11-year-old I am, I'm already excited for Paranorman. A stop-motion movie about a kid, zombies, ghosts and curses? Yes, please! Then you see a cast including Anna Kendrick, John Goodman, jeff Garlin and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (can we just call him McLovin?). It looks strong!

And finally, a film that actually ...


This is a big 180 for me. At first, it was another Snow White movie released in a flurry of Snow White junk ("Mirror Mirror"? Blegh.) and to top it, Kristen Stewart, the one that had the pink eye from earlier, is Snow White.

But wait...

I think I'm okay with it. I can just root for Charlize Theron to brutally beat her to death and scream "Where's your vampire now?!"

So maybe this didn't get less cynical. I tried.


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